I am the personal definition of Jazz. Sometimes classical, sometimes fusion, sometimes bebop… but usually free: I experiment on different ideas and feelings.
I have feel of revolutionary and genuinely gorgeous Miles Davis tunes, or simply the crazy mix of astonishing sounding notes from Larry Coryell. Or Hiromi Uehara, who is emotionally energetic, maybe because all those emotions inside her reflect on the piano, to tell you to jump, do something. Let them make a sound!
But I may be John Coltrane, who is hard to understand sometimes, who uses all 12 notes in a way that ties people up to those long, basically complex solos. It doesn’t end, it doesn’t let you go, it’s an endless pleasure like in some land in deep ocean full of psychedelic algae and fish with contradicting colors.
I may be Cannonball Adderley, who uses technique for a misty sentimentality (weird, isn’t it?) and actually turn you on with it. Well no, I’m definitely not Cannonball then, it was a wrong guess.
But I might be Jaco’s music. Pastorius Beril. I’m not as insane as Jaco himself, but I’m as punky as his music, deep inside. His bass slaps and solos define my daydreams and fantasies, while Charles Mingus defines my happy/pleased/content self. Just like when eating mandarins, grapes, buying a ticket for a show I really want to see, or crossing the sea under the Bosphorus bridge in a sea motor. Or how I feel when I wake up in the morning and find out that I don’t have school that day, so I can go back to sleep again. When I get back to sleep, the sweet sensation I get from closing my eyes again is Oscar Peterson’s music. And when I get in the middle of my dream, it is wildly the fusion of Mike Stern’s guitar. His music is some conceptionally different version of my dreams –good or bad. What’s funny about this is, I rarely remember my dreams. But if I remember one, I never forget it.
Stan Getz is the Bossa-me. I’m not always bossa, my sister is, but I’m bossa when I’m with someone I’m fond of, and really like. I like that mood, it is a mildly warm feeling.
Sometimes I’m a Greg Osby tune which consist of unique, matchless, random but inspirational and mind-freeingly beautiful sentences of music. It is melodically free in a way that catches you and wraps you up inside it. I can sometimes be like that, and it is way too cool. But it usually happens when I’m alone or with people I really love. What happens when I’m with people I’m not comfortable with, so I can’t spend my time with people the way I want, I become Bill Evans songs. The beauty of the melody closes up in its own, and you have to really listen to it closely to appreciate it. It’s a shy music, in the way I am in those shelled up moments.
I’m Charlie Haden’s contrabass when I feel really good about myself. Like when I achieve something, feel pretty, smart, creative or intelligent, sound very good… The times I’m proud, I have these Charlie Haden’s Liberation Music Orchestra moments and I’m very happy, confident, strong.
I’m sound of Joshua Redman’s sax when I don’t really care about something. I don’t know why this happens with his music though, I guess it’s just free, not free jazzy but free from concern and deep thoughts. When I do care about something, especially someone, I’m Django Reinhardt. It’s a sensitive music…kind, nice and lovely. I become Django’s swinging guitar, when I care about someone and do my best to swing that person too with happiness.
I’m Ahmad Jamal’s piano when I’m hopeful and excited. It is a pretty feeling, excitement. Especially before giving a concert or just before opening a gift from someone you know would get you something thrilling.
But it’s all about love. “Love and Laughter”. Love for life, love for everything. I’m the music of Eldar Djangirov, when I’m in love.
I am the one specific composers’ music though, who isn’t in this world of jazz musicians yet. I am that amazing person’s music when my lifelong dreams come true. That musician’s literally me: Beril Meşe. I will be composing the tunes that will naturally define me, as a person whose dreams came true and keep coming true.